There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
Porkjerky.com
Literally Wrong, Virtually Legal
 

Omniscience->Truth About Not Eating Your Vegetables

    Email Page To Someone   Create A Link For This Page   Be An Idiot, Click Here
The Porkjerky Gallery Let's Rape The Bellagio Fountains Clean Jokes The Newest Roadside Cross In My Collection Unregister To Vote, I Did Hilariously Unfunny Jokes A Face Only A Hooker Could Love

The God's Honest Scientific Truth1:
Dr. J. Curless, Esquire; Pediatric Ob/Gyn

Not Eating Your Vegetables Literally Kills...

But not you, it kills children. And not just any children, but cute white ones. And when cute white children die because you avoid vegetables they don't get to go to heaven. Oh no. Not eating your vegetables not only harms you as will be explained below, but it condems, cute, innocent, white children who never did anything wrong, had their whole lives in front of them and who would have surely grown up to be war hero saints who find the cure for cancer and end world hunger; to an eternity in hell. Hope you're happy.

While this site is here for the children, it isn't here to point fingers and place blame on you for sending babies to hell because of your filthy, immoral need for dissing vegetables. No, this page isn't here to judge you and all those other soulless, turd munching, heretic fuck-for-brains who love avoiding vegetables, but its here to lovingly embrace you and guide you into walking the correct path in life, no matter how fucking retarded you are. This page isn't about name calling, it is about educating people about the stone-cold, time-tested facts about not eating your vegetables. Hopefully, once you have read the undeniable, scientifically proven1 consequences of not eating your vegetables you will choose to stop being such a callous, child-endangering, godless prick.

Hopefully, for the children. And so the terrorists don't win.

I would like to say the below sideshow is a dramatization of what could or might happen if someone engages in avoiding vegetables but it isn't. It is an actual recreation of events that will immediately happen to you everytime you avoid vegetables.

Not Eating Your Vegetables: The Graphically Honest Truth1
The Dangers Of not eating your vegetables
Play Back Next Brainwash Mode:
Prepare to have your mind blown with the scientifically proven effects of not eating your vegetables.

Maybe you still aren't convinced and still think that "dissing vegetables" is cool. Well let me tell you something about being cool you little misguided Fonzi, not eating your vegetables is definitely not cool. In fact, its totally uncool. Let's suppose that you are selfish and don't want to stop no matter how many babies you are personally responsible to sending to Lucifer. Well, there are also consequences for you that will absolutely occur.

Time and again, when people avoid vegetables, they always end up going blind1, being set on fire1, and spending the rest of their life in prison being ass raped by a big black man1 who is bigger and blacker than that guy in The Green Mile2. And all of that will absolutely, positively, without a doubt, certainly happen to you and there is nothing short of not avoiding vegetables that will prevent it. Guaranteed.

Everytime you avoid vegetables it's as if you are poking your own eyes out, setting yourself on fire and lubing your own ass up for some aggravated, african sodomy. Is that the kind of life you want to lead? Is that how your parents raised you? Is that the example you want to set for the children?

Still not convinced? What if you were shown the irrefutable facts about not eating your vegetables that have been proven thousands of times over in clinical studies by the world's leading scientists1? Well, let's see how "cool" and "bodacious" and "groovy" you think "dissing vegetables" is after you try these scientifically proven truths1 on for size:

Not Eating Your Vegetables: Medically Proven Facts1
  • Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Gargamel and Osama Bin Laden all loved dissing vegetables.
  • Not eating your vegetables has caused more deaths than breast cancer, old age, friendly fire and cannibalism---combined.
  • Not eating your vegetables causes brain cancer, severe anal hemorrhaging, ebola, body odor, early onset of menopause (even in men) and a slight runny nose.
  • Numerous Congressional hearings on 9/11, Katrina, JFK's Assassination and Watergate all singled out not eating your vegetables as the main, overriding cause of each.
  • When made to avoid vegetables, laboratory animals have instead slit their own wrists and hung themselves from their exercise wheels. While really cute and not necessarily applicable to humans, the results are chilling.
  • With the new pope and the Patriot Act, not eating your vegetables can get you excommunicated, possibly deported.

So, for the children's sake, remember that everytime you avoid vegetables; babies die, the terrorists win, the american way of life is endangered and you are literally begging to be set on fire, blinded, imprisoned and ass raped by a huge black man. Now that you know all the indisputable facts1 I trust you will make the correct decision in life. For the children.

Learn The Clincally Proven Truth1 About:
Subject

1.   No sources or citiations for any of the information on this page are necessary. All of the above statements are self-evident facts and obviously correct. If you question or disagree with any information herein you are probably a terrorist who has a selfish interested in spreading lies about not eating your vegetables, are definitely a bias source who cannot be trusted and deserve the hell rotting that awaits you.

2.   Michael Clark Duncan.

I find it disgusting that all epithets for black people are off limits. That itself is racist. So, with great pride I am offering the world a politically correct derogatory term for blacks: "N-worders". If you must, "N-worder Americans".
There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.