Literally Wrong, Virtually Legal

Omniscience->Truth About Not Eating Your Vegetables

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The God's Honest Scientific Truth1:
Dr. J. Curless, Esquire; Pediatric Ob/Gyn

Not Eating Your Vegetables Literally Kills...

But not you, it kills children. And not just any children, but cute white ones. And when cute white children die because you avoid vegetables they don't get to go to heaven. Oh no. Not eating your vegetables not only harms you as will be explained below, but it condems, cute, innocent, white children who never did anything wrong, had their whole lives in front of them and who would have surely grown up to be war hero saints who find the cure for cancer and end world hunger; to an eternity in hell. Hope you're happy.

While this site is here for the children, it isn't here to point fingers and place blame on you for sending babies to hell because of your filthy, immoral need for dissing vegetables. No, this page isn't here to judge you and all those other soulless, turd munching, heretic fuck-for-brains who love avoiding vegetables, but its here to lovingly embrace you and guide you into walking the correct path in life, no matter how fucking retarded you are. This page isn't about name calling, it is about educating people about the stone-cold, time-tested facts about not eating your vegetables. Hopefully, once you have read the undeniable, scientifically proven1 consequences of not eating your vegetables you will choose to stop being such a callous, child-endangering, godless prick.

Hopefully, for the children. And so the terrorists don't win.

I would like to say the below sideshow is a dramatization of what could or might happen if someone engages in avoiding vegetables but it isn't. It is an actual recreation of events that will immediately happen to you everytime you avoid vegetables.

Not Eating Your Vegetables: The Graphically Honest Truth1
The Dangers Of not eating your vegetables
Play Back Next Brainwash Mode:
Prepare to have your mind blown with the scientifically proven effects of not eating your vegetables.

Maybe you still aren't convinced and still think that "dissing vegetables" is cool. Well let me tell you something about being cool you little misguided Fonzi, not eating your vegetables is definitely not cool. In fact, its totally uncool. Let's suppose that you are selfish and don't want to stop no matter how many babies you are personally responsible to sending to Lucifer. Well, there are also consequences for you that will absolutely occur.

Time and again, when people avoid vegetables, they always end up going blind1, being set on fire1, and spending the rest of their life in prison being ass raped by a big black man1 who is bigger and blacker than that guy in The Green Mile2. And all of that will absolutely, positively, without a doubt, certainly happen to you and there is nothing short of not avoiding vegetables that will prevent it. Guaranteed.

Everytime you avoid vegetables it's as if you are poking your own eyes out, setting yourself on fire and lubing your own ass up for some aggravated, african sodomy. Is that the kind of life you want to lead? Is that how your parents raised you? Is that the example you want to set for the children?

Still not convinced? What if you were shown the irrefutable facts about not eating your vegetables that have been proven thousands of times over in clinical studies by the world's leading scientists1? Well, let's see how "cool" and "bodacious" and "groovy" you think "dissing vegetables" is after you try these scientifically proven truths1 on for size:

Not Eating Your Vegetables: Medically Proven Facts1
  • Your great grandmother, in heaven, can see you everytime you avoid vegetables. Coincidentally, she isn't too proud.
  • Not eating your vegetables was one of the main causes of the Holocaust, the Great Depression, the Civil War and Chernobyl.
  • Not eating your vegetables has caused more deaths than breast cancer, old age, friendly fire and cannibalism---combined.
  • From recently unearthed scrolls, religious scholars found lost books of the bible that specifically detail how people who avoid vegetables make the baby jesus gassy.

So, for the children's sake, remember that everytime you avoid vegetables; babies die, the terrorists win, the american way of life is endangered and you are literally begging to be set on fire, blinded, imprisoned and ass raped by a huge black man. Now that you know all the indisputable facts1 I trust you will make the correct decision in life. For the children.

Learn The Clincally Proven Truth1 About:

1.   No sources or citiations for any of the information on this page are necessary. All of the above statements are self-evident facts and obviously correct. If you question or disagree with any information herein you are probably a terrorist who has a selfish interested in spreading lies about not eating your vegetables, are definitely a bias source who cannot be trusted and deserve the hell rotting that awaits you.

2.   Michael Clark Duncan.

Literally or figuratively, when it comes to catching flies, honey and vinegar have nothing on a steaming pile of bullshit.