There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.
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Gallery->Me And Mr. Lefty

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Our Rise And Fall From Comedy Superstardom
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Me & Mr. Lefty

Yes, Mr. Lefty (right) and I (left) have parted ways. At times the relationship had its tense and intense moments, but I am not bitter about it. Sure, he was always more attractive, funnier, and always got the hot girl while I was stuck with her fat friend; and since the split he has gone on to more immediate fame, fortune and success, but I wish him no ill will and hold no grudges.

February 17, 1973; New Castle, Wyoming; Suds'n Duds Ash Wednesday BINGO Tournament and Comedy Spectacular
February 17, 1973; New Castle, Wyoming
Suds'n Duds Ash Wednesday BINGO Tournament and Comedy Spectacular

Even in the last show we performed, according to the entire audience, Mr. Lefty and I still had "it". Even with all the bad blood brewing between us, we still could put on the best performance of our lives every night. Unfortunately, due to numerous pending civil and criminal court cases, I cannot go into the specifics of how and why our relationship soured to the point it did. I can though, dispell those rumors of "embattled distraught lovers" circulated by the liberal jew tabloids.

September 22, 1981; Pikeville, Kentucky; Chet's Rib Shack Grill And Cantina's 7th Annual Yom Kippur Laugh Festival
September 22, 1981; Pikeville, Kentucky
Chet's Rib Shack Grill And Cantina's 7th Annual Yom Kippur Laugh Festival

Never, I repeat never, did we ever engage in relationship other than professional or cordial no matter what that shaky photographical, eye witness nor DNA evidence supports.

Don't believe all my bravado and self-aggrandizing -- I'm not above letting a fat chick suck my cock.
There I was, titty fucking some random skank's nipples off, wondering if that was enough or if I needed to do something else completely pointless for breast cancer. If only there was a gesture equally as empty as wearing a pink bracelet or having a bake sale or throwing a magnetic ribbon on my car or walking with a herd of heifers for 5 kilometers. Something that would show my hollow support without taking any actual effort nor furthering the cause in any real way. Then it hit me like a ton of boobs. This and every October, porkjerky.com will go pink as a lip service tribute to breast cancer. Please follow my magnanimous example and do something meaninglessly worthless that doesn't require any real effort on your part for this great cause. Believe me when I say, it should be the least we can do.