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Our Rise And Fall From Comedy Superstardom
Comedy Genius Comedy Douchebag

Me & Mr. Lefty

Yes, Mr. Lefty (right) and I (left) have parted ways. At times the relationship had its tense and intense moments, but I am not bitter about it. Sure, he was always more attractive, funnier, and always got the hot girl while I was stuck with her fat friend; and since the split he has gone on to more immediate fame, fortune and success, but I wish him no ill will and hold no grudges.

February 17, 1973; New Castle, Wyoming; Suds'n Duds Ash Wednesday BINGO Tournament and Comedy Spectacular
February 17, 1973; New Castle, Wyoming
Suds'n Duds Ash Wednesday BINGO Tournament and Comedy Spectacular

Even in the last show we performed, according to the entire audience, Mr. Lefty and I still had "it". Even with all the bad blood brewing between us, we still could put on the best performance of our lives every night. Unfortunately, due to numerous pending civil and criminal court cases, I cannot go into the specifics of how and why our relationship soured to the point it did. I can though, dispell those rumors of "embattled distraught lovers" circulated by the liberal jew tabloids.

September 22, 1981; Pikeville, Kentucky; Chet's Rib Shack Grill And Cantina's 7th Annual Yom Kippur Laugh Festival
September 22, 1981; Pikeville, Kentucky
Chet's Rib Shack Grill And Cantina's 7th Annual Yom Kippur Laugh Festival

Never, I repeat never, did we ever engage in relationship other than professional or cordial no matter what that shaky photographical, eye witness nor DNA evidence supports.

It saddens me that the most appropriate response to people like you in a situation like this has become an overused, hackneyed throw-away phrase. Although we have all heard it at least 4 times today just in passing, please allow me to say it one more time with heartfelt earnest and every fiber of my being behind it: Fuck you.