Porkjerky.com
It Only Feels Illegal
 

Gallery->Better Than Dirty Jokes

    Email Page To Someone   Create A Link For This Page   Be An Idiot, Click Here
Next Page -->
<-- Prior Page
Gallery Main

You Guys Like Impressions?
Stop Me If You've Heard This One       But Seriously Folks...

Now I'm Not Racist, But...

Narromindedness

I hate narrowmindedness. People who just can't intelligently think piss me off. Like the klan, oh my god those narrowminded losers. Like the other day, I was at the Annual Whitey Rules picnic and softball tournament of Ku Klux Klan Troup #42, my troup since 1989 and I saw Eugene, my grand wizard. I went up to him and go, "Eugene, I love what you've done. The changes you've made since you became grand wizard. That great idea about Increasing the eye holes and decreasing the length of our uniforms so we stop falling down when we are running away from a crossburnings. Excellent idea, long overdue. Not to mention printing all of our flyers and pamphlets on recycled material. Don't think that didn't go unnoticed. Another great idea to help the future generations of white children. And nobody's tougher on the jews and blacks than you, god love you, Eugene.";

"But there's one other change that I think we need to make. Can we add a group to the hate list? Because these scum of the earth are really pissing me off. They shouldn't even be in this country if you ask me. Its, just not natural. Those blubber eaters sure piss me off. Their sled dogs crap all over my yard and Nanook doesn't seem to care. Stupid Eskimos, or "dirty 'skimos", as I like to call them (everyone needs a racial epithet). Those seal-pelt wearing bastards leave their whale carcasses out on their lawn and that brings down my property values. Those dirty skimos sure piss me off. Everyday a new group of them moves into town and builds an igloo wherever they damn well please, sure pisses me off".

Eugene looks at me and goes, "Jason, I'm sorry, but the KKK has a long tradition of hating only blacks and jews. We aren't going to change that now."

How narrowminded is that? He wouldn't even considered it. That was it, I had it and quit right then and there. If your not willing to have an open mind about the changing world we live in, I have no need for you. So, I decided to form my own hate group. Im gonna call it "PANA:" People Against Narrowminded Assholes. And anyone with an open mind can join...

Well, except those god damn dirty skimos.

My Big Cock

I have a pretty nice sized cock and a witness to back it up. Yeah, a black girl said it was pretty big. Who is a better authority on cocksize than a black chick? How's that for a good reference. I always knew i was doing ok in the size department. Because mom would always go, "Jason don't let those boys in gym tease you, its very nice, Mommy's little soldier has a big wee wee".

Dating interacially is hard to in the world we live because people are so narrowminded, they see me with a black girl and they just stare at us. It pisses me off. Once, at the mall, this guy had been eyeballing us all day, so I made sure he was looking and gave her the tonguest kiss you have ever seen. White lips pressed against black lips. White tongue slapping black tongue. White tonsils bouncing against black tonsils, white esophogus...well you get the idea.

The guy just gets superpissed at me and starts walking my way. At this time I got superpissed myself and started yelling at him before he got there or even said a word, "Hey fuck you buddy, leave us alone. I'm white, she's black, deal with it."

And he goes, "No that's not it".

I go, "Yeah right, don't hide it pal you're a bigot. Screw you. Who do you thing you are? She's just as equal as you are. She's even a lot more intelligent, so who cares that shes black?".

He goes, "No, that's not it. Ok, maybe it's a little bit because she's black, but mainly its because shes 12."

Quit hiding behind that you racist bastard.

I'm just kidding, I don't date 12 year old black girls. I'm not a weirdo. I am a homosexual pedophile, so don't be worried, I like little boys. Little black girls are safe around me, well, unless of course they look like little black boys. Then I pretend.

Abortion

If I was a chick and I got pregnant, and I already made up my mind to get an abortion, I'm not saying that that choice is correct or incorrect, this isn't about the morality of abortion ok? So let's not start that argument. My point is, if I was already going to have an abortion, then I would wait and have one of them late term partial birth ones, right?

Come on, it just makes sense. Because if you do it in the 9th month you've saved like all that money you would have had to spend on tampons and condoms. Pretty smart, huh? And if abortion really is murder and life begins at conception. What the fuck difference is it going to make if you're a murderer in the 1st month or the last month. Might as well have a partial birth abortion and get your money's worth out of your mortal sin.

Thats just my opinion though, and its not worth much because, I am not a woman. I will never have to face that decision. I say, pro-choice/pro-life, you cant really make a decision like that or condemn any decision a woman makes until you walk a mile in her uterus.

Abortion isn't covered by a lot of HMO's. Hilarious. Again this isn't a moral argument or debate, just my noticing of logical absurdity. While the procedure of abortion isn't covered, when I take a baseball bat to my girlfriend's stomach and scald her internally when I force her into a boiling bath tub to cause a miscarriage, and she starts bleeding internally and doesn't stop for a week, they are more than happy to cover the $10,000 bill for an emergency room visit then. But somehoe the $850 procedure that could have avoided the incident isn't covered.

HMO's, go figure.

I changed my major like every week at college. But god love my dad he always supported me in the career choice du jour that I made. My sophomore year I started out wanting to be an accountant. He goes "Jason you go to school do what you want and be the best damn number cruncher there is."

The week after that I changed to philosohpy and he goes "Jason, you go to school do what you want and be the best damn thinker you can be."

Thanks dad. During my junior year I talked to a recruiter for Planned Parenthood, and decided to pursue gynecology. When I told dad, sure enough, he said, "Jason you go to school do what you want and be the best damn baby killer you can be."

Then a tear came to his eye and I go, "Dad did I disappoint you?"

He replied, "No, its just that I am so proud of you for following in my footsteps."

I said, "But you work for a trucking company."

He goes, "I know, I know, but there was an incident in '65 when I had to use a coat hanger and boiling alcohol on your mother. I really am proud of you son.....Oh and I am a Vietnam Vet, so I have killed more than my fair share of babies."

No matter how famous or wealthy or important you think you are, within the next 48 hours you literally will have to wipe shit off of yourself.