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The Fountains Of Bellagio
Put down your cameras everyone, I just won the ironic selfie awards.

Narcissism Ground Zero

As a guy who has seen some pretty big tits in my life (with my mouth none the less), I am speaking with authority when I say that nothing in this world is more beautiful to all the senses than experiencing The Fountains Of Bellagio. Nothing. For the love of fuck, because of them my most used playlist has Con Te Partiro between Baby Got Back and MMMBop.

Before I go too far, let me say I have an affliction that doesn't allow me to write 3 consecutive sentences without trying to inject a quick bit of humor at some point (fuck you-- I said 'trying', so I already beat you to it cuntwart). It's just not medically possible (see what I mean--'medically possible'? Subtle, not funny, yet I still injected it) and it undermines my sincerity. So, let me put together 3 consecutive, unhumourous-injected sentences to convey my sincerity on the subject you are about to read:

      1.   The Fountains Of Bellagio are the most beautiful thing I have ever experienced 1.

      2.   I hate the people who record the Fountains.

      3.   Even more than those in #2, I hate people physically present at the Fountains yet experience them only through their devices2.

Whew, being that sincere for that long was tougher than a dead hooker's clit. Ok, that felt good. Nothing like a dead-hooker's clit reference sorbet to cleanse the sincerity palette. On with the show:

The dry night air, the lights, the music, the dancing water, the majestic Bellagio Hotel as a backdrop, the beautifully lit Eiffel Tower over your shoulder, resting in awe against the cool concrete column rail, feeling the chilled vapor emminating down from the show itself, even the sound of cars and the sweet fruity smell of hookers making their way down Las Vegas Boulevard behind you all add to its grandeur. Nothing in this world is more beautiful, to all the senses, than experiencing the Fountains Of Bellagio.


The Assholes Of The Fountains Of Bellagio
Image 54,320,786 of 78,923,557 Of The Bellagio Fountains On The InternetWith Our Cameras
The Fountains Of Bellagio, Grab Your Camera And Join The Gang Raping

...nothing in life makes me realize I hate my species more than standing in front of the Fountains of Bellagio. And not for just one reason. Nightly, so many deplorable traits of mankind are on display there every quarter hour on the quarter hour. Obviously, I'm doing it wrong. Instead of enjoying them with my all my senses I should instead be experiencing the Fountains of Bellagio that are immediately before me with just the 4x6 screen on my fucking phone.

You god damn, narcisistic dog vulva. You can't just leave it the fuck alone and enjoy it, can you? Being present in front of magnificience and just experiencing grandeur isn't good enough. What the fuck is that gene? What part of your DNA makes you have to record every element of your boring trite life? Despite what that Garfield poster said about osmosis, you being near or recording a truly engenius piece of creative art, even one that actually involves water, doesn't make you magically absorb genius nor creativity. At best, with your recording skills, you're a fucking fun house mirror skewing and warping true art.

~ Hey ma! Them's fire hoses is dancing and sparkling to some faggot-ass opera song bullshit.

- Well ain't that just that the cat's pajammers?

~ I'm's gonna video tape it and put it on the youtubenet for the world to enjoy.

- Good idea pa. To help, I'll get my head in the corner of your shot and saying 'Wow, look at that!' loudly and repeatedly.

~ Hell-Motherfucking-Shit-Ya!

Is it just plain narcissim? Do you self-involved fucks really believe your perspective of the world is so valuable that it must shared with the world? In your mind do you honestly believe that the rest of humanity wants to see the world through your eyes if only for a brief moment? Are you so self-centered that you think your filming of someone else's beautiful artistic creation is somehow an accomplishment of yours?

Go fuck yourselves with a hepatitis covered porcupine.

How Fast Are You Cockfucks Shitting 'Bellagio Fountains' Videos Onto YouTube?

Per Hour
% Of Videos
To Performances
Date You Would Finish Watching
All Videos If You Started Now
And They Continued To Be Uploaded*
10/15/1998 - 4/20/2018
Fountains' 1st Performance
165,000 0.96 228,089 72.34% 8/2/2019
4/23/2005 - 4/20/2018
YouTube's 1st Day
165,000 1.45 151,865 108.65% 8/18/2019
1/1/2018 - 4/20/2018
This Year
24,700 9.37 3,513 703.04% 4/20/2021
4/1/2018 - 4/20/2018
This Month
938 1.97 633 148.11% 9/6/2019
* Uses 3:50 run time for every video and uses that row's upload rate‡.
‡ That's some stone-cold calculus for your ass, motherfucker. Learn it.

Maybe its obliviousness with a helping of aloofness. Perhaps it's an involuntary action that doesn't even make it to the concious part of your brains. You don't and can't even realize what you are doing and instead just act on your natural instincts of trying to be recognized for your individuality by following the crowd. People can't just sit back and enjoy getting their dicks sucked anymore can they? Everything has to be recorded and ejaculated to the internet. Fucking christ.

God forbid, it might just be a combination of the exact opposite of those. Instead of narcissism and oblivous aloofness its concious self-realization of insignficance. You're grasping at anything to validate your pointless existence and give it a misguided sliver of purpose. Does recording the Fountains of Bellagio somehow validates your existence or this experience?

Humanity's Zenith Gang Raped By Its Nadir
The Bellagio Fountians Are So Beautiful Let's All Gang Rape It With Our Cameras
The Fountains Of Bellagio, Grab Your Camera And Join The Gang Raping

We're now at the part of the story where you triumphantly realize I am a hypocrite for this page and feel the need to email me. You want to point out that on this page I am doing just what I railed against (thinking other's find my perspective relevant). However, at the same time, you must also be oblivous to the fact that you would be doing the same thing (thinking I find your perspective of my perspective of other people's perspectives is relevant). But don't let the fact I'm 3 steps ahead of you stop you. I put the ball in your court and ask you to lead in this hypocritical dance we must perform together.)

I would like to conclude this section with a prayer to the almighty creator:

Dear giver of the most sacred beauty, I beg you to hear my plea;
As you look down from your kingdom, I ask you to smite these fucking cunt bags
Seriously, just grab an M21, go to the top of Encore and start sniping.
Glory unto you, Steve Wynn.

1. I so wanted to end that sentence with "...outside the partial-birth abortions of my 3 children".

2. It's like going to Thailand, hiring 3 child prostitutes, buying a cock ring/butt plug combo pack, rigging up an asphyxiation noose, and then just jerking off by yourself in the shower.

No sources for any of the information on this site are necessary because every statement is a self-evident fact. If you question or disagree with any information herein you obviously are a terrorist who hates children.