Hatemail Regurgitator
Epithet Generator
Resignation Letter Generator
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March 28, 2024
Dear Ungrateful World;
Although everyone on Earth has failed to give me even half the accolades and adulation that should go with me, mr tookles, being the 3rd coming of christ, I will still fulfill my destiny. You're welcome.
For you insolent pukes, I will shed my blood to once again open the gates of heaven. Because of me, you heathen beasts won't have to endure any locust, floods, toads or ATF non-incendiary devices. Ingrate pricks.
So, start erecting statues, knocking out opponents, singing songs, scoring touchdowns, hitting home runs, hiding colored eggs every year around the 28th of March, and doing other shit for my glory because you fuckers owe me big.
Jesus Christ III a.k.a. mr tookles P.S. I superglued all my orifices shut so you coroner pricks can't steal my fillings or sex up my corpse.
You too can have a great suicide note just like Kurt Cobain, Princess Dianna and David Caruso wrote without all that pretentious hijacker crap about "Allah this...jihad that...blah blah blah...20 virgins...death to american pigs...stay in school...mecca hajj tortilla" that all the kids are so into these days.
Select a reason, fill in your name, click a PS message and hit the "Write Note" button. Then, pussy out, take a 50-hour a week job you hate, marry the first person that feigns interest in you, have some dissappointing and ungrateful children, purchase a ton of your local sports team's merchandise, spend countless hours fantasizing about the happiness you are going to buy when you win Powerball and eagerly await your natural death.
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